When it comes to changing diapers, it doesn't always have to be a crap show. Yes, diapers are messy business, but changing them doesn't always have to be. Use these tried-and-true tips from someone who may have changed more diapers than her own pants at this point to get your routine down solid (or liquid, this is diapers after all).
1. The first thing is to find a diaper that you love. When you're looking at diapers, there are a few things to consider: softness, absorbency, size, and fit. No one wants a scratchy diaper, but you also want to be protected from leaks and blowouts. Everyone has a different favorite, so I recommend having a few different kinds on hand. This is one of those times where having a community of parents can be super helpful, because you can all share around diaper samples to make sure you're using the one that works best for you and your baby. It's also important to go by fit rather than number size, as babies come in all different shapes and sizes with different proportions that affect the fit of a diaper.
2. Once you find a diaper that fits your needs, the next step is to ensure it's also correctly fitted to your baby at each change. In general, the diaper should fit around baby's belly with the back about 1/3 of the way up their back and the front landing just below the belly-button. You should easily be able to wrap the tabs around, and the fit should be snug but not tight. The general rule of thumb (rule of bum?) for fit is that you should be able to easily fit a finger in the waistband. Another fit-related tip: the ruffles on the diaper should face toward the outside, not the inside. These work as an extra layer of protection to keep everything where it's supposed to be: inside the diaper.
3. Next up is the frequency of changes. On average, you want to change diapers every 2-3 hours. If baby is sleeping, you generally don't need to wake the to change a wet diaper, but poop needs to be cleaned immediately to prevent irritation or infection. Some people recommend changing diapers before feeding, especially overnight, so that when baby is full and sleepy you can put them right down for sleep. In practice, what I've found is that babies almost always pee or poop while eating, and I often find myself changing a diaper again after a feed even if I just changed it beforehand. Changing after feedings can also create a little separation between eating and sleeping to avoid creating a habit of feeding to sleep and help associate the changing table with a state of relaxation.
4. On to the actual process of changing the diaper of a tiny alligator, my main trick here is distraction. While I usually don't love distraction as a solution (problems of a former Exposure and Response Prevention therapist), this is one of the few times where there's really no down side. I usually go about this by having a single toy that's kept at the diaper table (it's also okay if the diaper companion travels to the crib which can help link it as a sleep cue in a routine of changing diapers right before sleep as mentioned in #3). This way the item retains its novelty, and baby usually grows to become excited about seeing their friend at the changing table. Other than that, keep your routine quick and streamlined and follow the same procedure at each change: remove the old diaper (and cover the penis if necessary to avoid a pee fountain), wipe clean (or pat or rinse clean when treating diaper rash), wrap up and throw away diaper and wipe, apply diaper cream, put on new diaper, and redress baby.
5. Diaper cream is your best friend. I recommend using diaper cream at every change from the moment baby is born until they last time they wear a diaper. Using diaper cream before diaper rash starts is the second most important thing you can do to avoid it altogether and treat it once it starts. You want to fully cover the skin to create a barrier between the skin and any liquid or other irritants, so don't be afraid to slather it on thick. I also highly recommend a diaper cream spatula to keep your hands from constantly smelling like diaper cream, but it can be easier to use your fingers for teeny tiny bums.
6. A note about positive parenting and consent. You may have heard about the idea of consent in diaper changes and asking your baby about changing your diaper. While this isn't exactly the execution, the idea is important and can absolutely be applied effectively and easily. The most important thing is including your child in the process and explaining to them what you're doing rather than just doing it to them. If we want to raise children who are kept safe by feeling confident being vocal about the importance of consent and bodily autonomy, we have to acknowledge and put this into practice from the beginning. The actual phrase I use most commonly is "I know it's no fun, but we have to clean all the pee/poop off of your penis/vagina to keep you healthy and it's no fun to sit in poop."
Nanny Notes
If you're sharing the responsibility of parenting with another person, discuss the division of diaper duty with your partner beforehand. The last time you want to be arguing over who does what and when is at the moment of a blow-out.
When it comes to diapering, there are different needs to take into account for hygiene of penises and vaginas. For cleaning babies with vaginas, make sure to always wipe from front to back. Penises can simply be wiped clean, but don't pull back the skin of an uncircumcised penis and care for a post-circumcision penis as directed by your pediatrician. You also want to make sure that a baby's penis is pointed downward into the diaper to avoid leaks in the front.
On super-fresh babies, you'll need to make sure to keep the umbilical cord stump clean and dry, which also means folding down the top of the front of the diaper so that it doesn't rub against the stump. Many newborn diapers are made lower in the front for this purpose, but you always want to make sure this sits correctly if you're not going to fold it down.
One life-saving hack for middle of the night changes is to use easy/quick change clothes. For sleepwear, this can be onesies with double zippers, snaps, or magnets. Pair that with a swaddle that allows for diaper access without unswaddling, and you'll be on your way to overnight changes where baby stays warm, cozy, and most importantly, sleepy.
