Along with the excitement of having a new baby comes a lot of change. In addition to the physical and emotional changes that come with new parenthood, it can also be difficult to navigate relationships with family and friends during this time. It's important to set boundaries that protect your well-being and allow you to focus on your baby's needs, and protect the relationships you care about. Here are some tips on how to set boundaries with family and friends in the postpartum period that I’ve learned in my time with new families.
Communicate Your Needs
It's important to communicate your needs clearly to your family and friends to set everyone up for success from the start. Let them know that you appreciate their love and support, and that you need or will need some time to rest and adjust to your new role as a parent and bond with your baby. Be specific about what you need, such as time alone with your partner and baby, or help with household chores. These days it’s super common to set up things like meal trains and add self-care and practical type expenses onto your registry like laundry service or house cleaning.
Set Limits on Visiting Hours
Having visitors can be overwhelming for new parents, especially when you're trying to establish a routine with your newborn. Set limits on visiting hours and let your family and friends know when it's convenient for them to visit. It's also okay to say no to visitors if you're not feeling up to it, and even if you just don’t want them. Remember when you used to tell your friends that you couldn’t come over because “your parents said no?” You can use that same excuse citing your care team’s emphasis on early bonding!
Consider Your Mental and Emotional Well-Being
The postpartum period can be a vulnerable time for new parents, and it's important to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. If there are family members or friends who are causing you stress or anxiety, it's okay to limit your interactions with them or even ask them to take a step back for a while. Again, you can always blame us for encouraging your to spend your days like a hermit enjoying skin-to-skin with you new addition. If you already have mental health support, it can be super helpful to make a plan in advance for how to manage stressors that can come up when navigating relationships in the early postpartum days.
Be Firm and Assertive
Setting boundaries can be difficult, but it's important to be firm and assertive in communicating your needs. Don't feel bad speaking up or saying “no” if something isn't working for you. Remember that your well-being and the well-being of your baby are the top priorities. This is generally easier said than done, although sometimes the postpartum hormones or mama-bear instincts can make it easier than you might expect, so I recommend practicing early and often. Another good tip here is to bring this up with your loved ones in advance when possible. It’s not your responsibility to make them feel good about your boundaries, but prepping close friends and family for new expectations (and potentially a new kind of interaction if boundaries aren’t generally discussed or respected) can help keep everyone from being surprised or confused at sudden changes.
Enlist HELP
If you're struggling to set boundaries with family and friends, consider enlisting the help of someone else. This can be your partner, a family member, or even your best friend who has no problem standing up for you no matter the audience. For professional support navigating boundaries, a postpartum doula or mental health counselor can provide support and guidance on how to navigate relationships during this time, as well as support for the emotions that often come up when we consider and set boundaries with others.
Remember that setting boundaries with loved ones in the postpartum period is not selfish, but rather an act of self-care. By communicating your needs and prioritizing your well-being, you'll be better equipped to take care of your baby, enjoy this special time as a family, and move forward with important relationships intact - if not strengthened!
Interested in postpartum doula services? Learn about my postpartum support offerings here.
